The Self Care Guide to Nurturing the Nuturer

As a recovering over-nurturer I know all to well the void of taking care of others before myself. The false belief that my emotional wellbeing is undeserving of the love and affection that I easily poured into others. I was addicted to the approval of others and the weird satisfaction of people needing me. It was this compulsive mixture of low self esteem that my ego tried to fill with ideas that I needed to be this persons one and only source of support to making their life easier, even if it puts me at a disadvantage. More times than not, I received little to nothing in return. Over-nurturing those around us can be stemmed from multiple sources and reasonings. Sometimes we were taught to be this way, maybe its a lack of trust or fear of lack of control.

Having a nurturing spirit is not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of, in fact most of our upbringing and raising is dependent on how we were nurtured. The real is nurturing can be energetically draining when healthy boundaries are not in place to support our wellbeing and prevents burnout. Lack of boundaries is breeding ground for energy vampires and false entitlement to your giving nature.

Your No has power!

Before I became comfortable with just saying No when I didn’t have the capacity to help, support or to simply give my energy, I had come up with a personal questionnaire for myself. Things to ask myself before I say “Yes” even if I didn’t want to.

Let me make clear that the purpose of this is not to have a reason for the other person. You don’t have to have a reason at all! These questions are for you to be honest with yourself of where you are energetically and the boundaries you need with the other people. The goal is to finally be at a point that you can make a decision that is in the best interest of yourself without hesitation!

Sometimes our boundaries don’t sit well with others. Especially those who have grown to have a sense of entitlement to your giving nature. They may try to guilt you, put you down, or resent you for your boundaries. Sometimes these responses warrant having to end the relationship all together because they are signs of psychopathic behavior, gaslighting and emotional abuse*. If ending the relationship isn’t necessary space and time apart even for a short period may be required. It is not your responsibility to hold the other person feelings when they have a negative response to your boundaries. It is there’s to work through not yours.

Self Care After Setting your Boundaries!

Setting your boundaries is self care! For added support find a friend who can encourage you In sticking with your boundaries. Crystals like Smokey quartz, rose quartz and malachite can be allies in your journey as well. Smokey quartz will ground you and assist in overcoming negative emotions, malachite empowers positive change and protects; and rose quartz sweet and gentle energy will reassure you that you made the best decision and support self love. Anytime you feel triggered lavender, vervain and skullcap can calm the nervous system and muscles of the stress that may come from others negative perception of your boundaries.

At the end of the day, setting your boundaries around when you give energy, who you give it to and the amount of energy you give is an act of self preservation and self love. It may be hard at times but it is only for the highest good of yourself and everyone involved.

I love you!
Celeste Ma’at

*National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
*Colorado Anti-Violence Program